Each time I don’t know what to do. I wonder how I ever got over the last one. How will I get over this one. Depression & anxiety can hit you like a bus. You can be having the best 23 hours of the day yet the 24th hour can soon become your minds idea of hell.
I know this sounds stupid and we all fight for the preconceived ideas/stigma of mental health to be changed but I don’t know how else to explain how I can go from being this bubbly happy person to feeling nothing but numb. When this happens I don’t cry because I’m sad, I cry because I’m angry. I’m angry how my mind plays tricks on me. How although my brain belongs to me I can’t control it, I can’t change it or reset it. I don’t have power. I lack power over my own body. I feel like I’m a puppet on strings or a doll in a dolls house that’s controlled by Satan.
In times like this is hard to remember that anybody is there. It’s hard to remember that you’re not a nobody. It hard to remember your worth. You over think stupid things like a plank of wood or a tea bag. You go on social media and see what you think is someone else’s perfect life and it’s not. It’s all fake. It’s all for show because we’re scared of letting anyone even think we aren’t who we portray ourselves to be.
It’s all so quiet in your head you can hear a nonexistent clock ticking or your ears suddenly start ringing. There is no complete silence. Thinking is dangerous. To not think is to think about not thinking. It’s a vicious circle of misery.
Depression makes you want to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s the fear of failure but lacking the urge to do something. It’s about remembering you’re not broken just chipped. You wake up every morning tired from the battle the day before.
Everyday is a fight or a struggle but everyday you become braver than the day before. It’s a dark tunnelled path where you’re always trying to find the light at the other end.